When one laptop closes, another one opens. Wait. That’s NOT the saying?!…
As I closed my work laptop for an early festive finish, I reached for my personal laptop for the first time in a long time.
You see, there was a point where it all got a bit too much. From blogging every single day, posting 3-6 post per day on Instagram, tweeting all day long with whatever thoughts pop into my head, chasing those numbers and fighting for the number one spot; Alongside a full time job in the latter years, it started to feel like a place I no longer belong in anymore. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it felt overwhelming, maybe a little pandemic had something to do with it, but I started to remove social media apps from my phone one by one.
Lessening my screen time meant that I could shift my mindset to being less ‘chronically online’ to being more present. That new mindset became a good habit that I continued comfortably for several years.
But my absence looked like this:
A corner of my room is just a pile of skincare packaging that I haven’t got round to throwing away “incase I decide to blog again”.
It’s me doing my skincare and makeup routine in the mirror every morning with inner thoughts running through what I would recommend “if I was to blog again”.
My notebooks are filled with pages and pages of content ideas that never came to fruition because I talked myself out of it.
Typing several tweets on a daily basis, and then deleting it before publishing because Twitter is no longer a safe space and I am far too sensitive for what it has become.
Having multiple SD cards full of photos which I took with the intention to share but have never seen the light of day.
I lurk but never engage because I didn’t want to be ‘seen’. Holding myself back because I became too scared to take up space.
Wanting to strike a meaningful discussion but not wanting to be an inconvenience.
What I built on here has defined who I am and has carved a path into a direction that has landed me where I am today. Even though it appears that blogs aren’t as popular as they once were, it always offered me a sense escapism. It is my time to dissociate from the reality, back when the online world was uncurated, raw and authentic. I hope to be here for you during those moments when you seek escape too.
Every year I would make a promise to myself that I’ll come back properly, to at least connect with everyone the way I once did. But for various reasons and several few failed attempts, I just couldn’t commit to it like I did before. Between my full time job (I’ve had four in seven years!), buying my first house, the killjoys of the covid era, and generally juggling the balance of life, I couldn’t find the hours or energy. The Internet moves fast and I guess I couldn’t keep up with how much you have to give of yourself to stay relevant. Eventually I lost confidence in my ability to “show up online” as my true self, and decided to hide away.
Recently, I used my blog Instagram account for the first time in years and forgot how wonderful the community can be, not scary at all. Some of the people I follow on various platforms throughout the years are people that have been in my online life for over a decade. Can you actually believe that? Over ten years. And what a bloody nice bunch you lot are too 🙂
You are my people and we’ve been on a journey, haven’t we? I’m not ready to call it quits, only to disappear in the back of a black cab to the sound of the “doof doofs”, never to be seen again. (I’m not actually from London, so it’s more like hopping into silver Skoda Octavia to the sound of the Last Of The Summer Wine theme tune).
Bottom line is, I crave the creativity, freedom, escapism I once had. As I talk fondly about what I have achieved to people who didn’t know that version of me, I get the sudden urge to start writing. It might now be a Gen-Z dominated landscape but with a promise of being older and wiser, and more meaningful, this Millennial gal with a side parting is ready to come back. And not to say I’ll start doing video content any time soon, but if I do, I PROMISE to edit out the “Millennial Pause”.
So what now? Do we go back to basics? Embrace the imperfections? Have fun and just go for it? (Yes, yes, yes and yep!)
We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, and where do I even begin? I’ll start fresh, at the very beginning, a very good place to start.
More joy, love and support from me to you in 2024. You have my word and I’ve got your back.
Have a wonderful Christmas!
(And just so you know, if you don’t hear from me again for a very long time, I ended up in the back of that Skoda Octavia – but I’ll give you a wave from the cab!)
Yey – welcome back!
I promise as long as you keep posting I will keep reading, and I’m also always hanging around on Instagram even if I don’t post much!!!
So happy and excited to see you back, Sarah!
I’ve somehow kept on blogging over the years – it’s been my one constant and has kept me semi-sane – but I absolutely relate to how you felt with feeling too sensitive, not wanting to be seen and not wanting to take up space. Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I’m STILL here, as though it means I haven’t grown up and away from it; other times I’m really glad I kept capturing the memories, partnering with brands and slowly growing a meaningful community.
Lately I’ve had a renewed fire in my belly to post more again and try to make something of my blog and Instagram again. So what if there’s a stigma, right?