Lockdown diary day 14 & 15: What day is it?

I can now add coughing and sneezing to my list of fears. Along with my other phobias like spiders, the sea and pot plants. I’m fearful of all the things in equal measures. Pot plants is probably the worst one, though.

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I’ve had to request the seller of the house I’m buying to please remove the pot plants. I had to tell him at least 3 times, incase he didn’t take me seriously the first 2 times. I don’t mind faux plants, in fact, I have some fake flowers in my flat. But I absolutely can’t stand real pot plants. Nothing with mud or compost in it. What strange phobias do you have? Go on, make me feel better about myself for being scared of a leaves and mud.

How’s everyone feeling now we’re in our 3rd official week of the lockdown? I think most of us experienced a spike in anxiety when we heard that Boris Johnson has been admitted into intensive care.

I was on a good run last week with my routine but I’ve been thrown off course this week. Yesterday was a struggle and I found the “routine” challenging to stick to because I felt slightly under the weather after lunch time and in my head, that automatically meant I’ve caught the virus(!).

Today (Tuesday) has been slightly better but spent the whole day worrying about my family and the people that I’m close to. Needless to say that the 3am wake up time have returned. Last night, I took a short stroll to the living room to catch up with Blair Waldorf and Serena Van der Woodsen before finally falling asleep for a couple more hours. It’s becoming a regular thing now and waking up at 3am on most days is now taking it’s toll.

I feel so incredibly guilty that I’m manifesting symptoms that aren’t there (but still feel real) when people are suffering from the virus and there are key workers on the frontline who risk their lives to help us. I try my hardest to put things in to perspective but I dip in and out, up and down, of anxiousness over something we can not control. The what ifs and the buts are becoming louder and louder in my head.

Being neighbourly

It helps to put myself in someone else’s shoes, to realise I need think about the wider picture. I’ve reached out to my next door neighbour a few times to ensure that I’m here to help him if he needs it.

Back when everyone was panic-buying, I left a note on his door before I left for work and we’ve phoned/texted to ask if he needs anything picking up at the supermarket.

He’s older, lives alone, and have had a couple of major operations recently, but is fiercely independent so if he can do things himself, he will. It’s nice to reach out and I hope it is comforting for him to know that people are ready and willing to help.

I had a sad moment today when I thought of that time last month when we spotted each other outside our building, and walked back into the apartment block together, he told me he was having a get-together with some friends at his flat for his 60th and asked me to keep the date free. James and I will definitely be there, I told him.

I realised today, while I was cooking dinner (I always have such reflective thoughts when I’m cooking!), that his birthday get-together isn’t going ahead as planned and that he may be spending most part of his 60th birthday on his own 💔

I was then reminded that my little sister’s birthday is coming up in 3 days times, my neice’s 4th birthday is 5 days time and we have used these as opportunities to have a big family get together and I’m feeling all kinds of sad about that 😢

Still, we’ll have plenty of chances to see each other and celebrate another time.

Troubles sleeping

Are any of your light sleepers or have trouble getting some shut eye? I’ve always been a night owl and have always been someone who finds it difficult to fall asleep. Sleep spray works, I’m using Tropic Skincare’s So Sleepy Pillow Mist and REN & Now To Sleep Spray, but recently I have discovered HEATED sleeping masks and it’s a game-changer.

I received a couple of Spacemasks from Birchbox (gifted, months ago), which are self-heating eye masks that feels so relaxing and I’m going to treat myself to a couple of boxes as a payday treat at the end of this month.

I also find having a bath using lavender oil or a bath/body product that also helps me sleep better through the night. It makes the world of difference.

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