In the lead up of my birthday, the anxiety got the best of me! I wondered why I wasn’t at the same stage as all of my friends are at (getting married, having children, buying a house – the usual expectation from “society”) and I felt like a big fat failure for not having those boxes ticked by now. It’s not like I even want those things right now, why was it even bothering me?!
In my head, turning 30 is a big frickin’ deal, especially when you don’t feel like you’ve got things figured out yet and you feel a real sense of pressure. And I’ve come to realise that that’s totally normal. It’s ok – take a deep breath. There’s nothing wrong with you.
I suddenly began to notice all the articles about turning 30 crop up on my blogger dashboard, Twitter and Facebook. After having a think, I have realised that there’s more to life than ticking boxes. We can break the rules and colour outside the lines. Those are the people I am most inspired by and I need to hold on to that.
Anyway – my panicking lead to some “long chats” about where life was going and what our end goal was. I didn’t get the “everything is going to be ok” response I was expecting, but that’s totally fine! If you want something to happen, you’ve got to do it yourself. I’m not going to lie, I did panic a little more but I quickly picked myself back up again. I’m not getting any younger, the stress is only cause my face to shrivel up and my hair to go grey!!
For the past two weeks, I’ve been applying for jobs and I’m planning to move 270 odd miles away to London as soon as I know what I’m doing. I can’t tell how scared I am, I’m absolutely petrified. Everything I’ve known for the past ten years is going to change soon. But things have happened very quickly as a few exciting things have cropped up and I’ve not had time to think. I can always go back “home” if I don’t like it but I’m going to give this a try, at least (and it’s only 2 or 3 and half hours on the train so I can come back up to see my lovely Bonnie and Oscar once a month!) It’s stressful because there’s so much to do and I don’t feel ready to move, but to be honest, I’m never going to feel ready. I’m making a snap decision but a life-changing one, and I’ve just got to do it. There’s no time like the present. Life is too short and I need to get shit done!!
Oh, and you know what…
Everything IS going to be ok. ❤️