The Fear Of Turning 30

rainbow cake,

The Fear of Turning 30

As the title suggest, I turned 30 recently. And it came with fear, anxiety and a bit of excitement. But mainly fear and anxiety. The fear of turning 30 was real. It was joyful. Really, it was…

I had the big birthday a couple of weeks ago and to say there was mixed feeling about it is an understatement.

This February was a really funny one for me. It didn’t really go as planned but I’ve plodded on the best that I can! I’ve always been lucky enough to do fun things for my big birthdays, I was in Hong Kong with my family for my 18th, and I went to Paris for my 21st. So, I always had high expectations for the day I turned 30 – I wanted to go to New York, and start my 30s off in a big style.

In reality, I got dumped two days before my 30th birthday. He made no plans to take the day off work even though he knows when my birthday is (I mean, it’s on the same day every year, ya fuckin’ douchebag). Anyway, I’m sad and a tiny bit upset that a ten year relationship can be discarded just like that.

But you know what? Life goes on. The month was all gloom and doom. The highlights included meeting up with a uni friend which saw us going back to where we spent 4 wonderful years experiencing student life; We visited Newcastle for the day, absorbed the city atmosphere and ate good food, and took home a big slab of rainbow cake.

 

Fuck Society’s Ridiculous Expectations

But this February was tough. Like, really tough.

For a long time, coupled with the break-up, I had also been stressing out about turning 30 and it’s something that I have found it quite difficult. The closer I crept towards the big 3-0, that more dread I felt. It made me reflect on how quickly life has gone so far, and I felt an overwhelming, intense rush of pressure to start doing things that a “normal” 30 year old should do.

A big part of thinks fuck what society thinks and their ridiculous expectations. I won’t be pressured in to ticking boxes. I do what I fucking want in my own fucking time.

But the anxiety got the best of me.

I wondered why I wasn’t at the same stage as all of my friends are at. Oh, you know, the usual life boxes. Getting married, having children, buying a house. Having none of those things ticked off by now has made me feel like a big fat failure. But I swear, I don’t crave any of those things. I mean, being with the wrong person who has no intentions of sharing those experiences with you doesn’t help. But personally, I don’t feel ready for those things. Not even a little bit. So, why was it even bothering me?! Why did I let it get to me so much?

audrey hepburn illustration, audrey hepburn, ohgoshcindy

It’s Ok To Not Be Ok

I have no definitive answer. All I know is that in my head, turning 30 is a big frickin’ deal, especially when you don’t feel like you’ve got everything figured out. And I’ve come to realise that that’s totally normal. No one has it totally figured out, right?! And that’s completely fine.

Take a deep breath. There’s nothing wrong with you. 

I suddenly began to notice all the articles about turning 30 crop up on my newsfeed (algorithm shmalgorithm). But it helped to read that other women are feeling the same way. I’ve come to learn that these expectations are what I’ve given myself and there’s no use in blaming ‘society’. I’m in control and I’ve decided to live my best life and be grateful for what I have today, and not worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow. Not everyone gets the chance to make it to this age and if that’s not enough to make anyone feel grateful, I don’t know what is.

There’s more to life than ticking boxes. We can break the rules and colour outside the lines. Conformity is boring; I’ve never been one to follow the rules, and I sure as hell don’t follow the crowd.

positive quotes

Live Your Best Life

As for the break up. What can I say. I saw it coming but it doesn’t make it any easier. I have shared my entire duration of my 20’s with that person.

I need to leave. That’s what I need to do. And I will, it will be good for my soul. I owe it to myself to leave my comfort zone.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been applying for jobs and I’m planning to move 270 odd miles away to London. I am absolutely petrified but I am so excited for a new beginning. Everything I’ve known for the past ten years is going to change soon. It’s stressful because there’s so much to do and I don’t feel ready to move, but to be honest, I’m never going to feel ready. I’m making a snap decision but a life-changing one, and I’ve just got to go with it.

There’s no time like the present. Don’t let the fear get to you. Life is too short and I have big goals to achieve. I need to get shit done.

Oh, and you know what…

I know fine well that everything IS going to be ok. ❤️

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32 Comments

  1. 2nd March 2015 / 5:19 pm

    OMG how exciting! I had a bit of a "what am I doing" crisis at 27 so moved to London and I had the best 5 years of my life. You'll love it! Best thing about living in London is that everyone is eternally young, so many singletons in their 30s having fun 🙂

    I had similar stresses when I turned 30 and at 34 I still don't have most the boxes ticked but I'm happy 🙂 It's true what they say, your 30s are the best years!

    Welcome to the club!

    Chloe x
    newgirlintoon.co.uk

  2. 2nd March 2015 / 5:34 pm

    Sometimes it does feel like time is getting the best of us. Good luck with your job applications, and moving. Hopefully you can get the perfect job for you, and that will make things a little easier.
    Happy belated birthday.
    Rubi | The Den | http://www.the-den.blogspot.com

  3. 2nd March 2015 / 6:13 pm

    Firstly – happy birthday! Secondly – you look AMAZING, regardless of age or stage in life. Finally – who cares what everyone else is doing? As you rightly said, life is for rule breaking, and you might find that you'll be a better person for waiting things out rather than doing what everyone else is doing. Plus – if we all did the same, we'd all be very boring. Simple.
    Daniela xo | danielascribbles ♥

  4. 2nd March 2015 / 6:29 pm

    I wouldn't worry about turning 30, my thirties have been my best years yet. I may be turning 36 next month and I'm still single whilst friends are marrying and churning out kids but I'm quite happy following my own path.

    Good luck with the move to London, you'll have to let me know when you're in the area and we can meet up to discuss our thirties!

    Victoria x
    FlorenceandMary.com

  5. 2nd March 2015 / 6:35 pm

    Yes it will be okay =]

    emyii90.blogspot.co.uk

  6. 2nd March 2015 / 7:35 pm

    If you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, just listen to the song "Everything Is Alright" by Motion City Soundtrack; it always cheers me up!

    I just turned 26 in January and it was a bit of an adjustment for me too. On the one hand, I was a little bother that I wasn't doing all the great and wonderful things that many of my peers were doing, but on the other hand, I still don't really feel adult enough to be getting close to 30 myself!

  7. 2nd March 2015 / 7:41 pm

    Happy Birthday to you!
    If you're moving to London, as scary as it is (I did it recently!) you'll never find an excuse not to be busy. There's so much going on all the time that I'm sure life will start accelerating ten fold for you!
    x

  8. 2nd March 2015 / 7:43 pm

    I can't believe you're 30, you really don't look it. I understand the 'pressure' and stressed that come with getting older and it's so refreshing to see/read people saying that there's nothing to worry about!

  9. 2nd March 2015 / 9:05 pm

    Good luck with the move, are you hoping to work in the same area or in a completely new direction? Happy Birthday btw! x

    Amy at Amy & More

  10. 2nd March 2015 / 10:32 pm

    I had my panic at 28, the same worries that I wasn't married etc. 30 I was fine as I'd met Ben & we were living together so I was more relaxed. But now I'm turning 34 on Thursday and I'm feeling a bit like you were, down and a bit worried that there's this big clock above my head ticking away and I'm getting older and the whole kids issue is weighing heavy. So I've decided to embrace my age be happy its my birthday and treat myself to a big shopping spree!! ha ha I think its great that your making a big change. Very brave and very exciting. Lots of love and luck and hope to meet finally when your down in London xxxxx

  11. 2nd March 2015 / 10:52 pm

    As someone who will be 30 next year, I completely get you. I've also ticked none of those boxes! I have no idea what I want to do with my life either but I have some amazing friends and an even more amazing family. 30 is a scary number, I've already started panicking about my biological clock and the thought that I may never be able to afford my own house depresses me. That being said, I spent my house deposit on a round the world trip and it was completely the right decision for me and I don't regret it. There is more to life than a house, cash or fancy things. It's all about living and being happy! After all, who knows what tomorrow may bring. Things will be okay. ♥

    Tara x

  12. 2nd March 2015 / 10:52 pm

    A Standpoint I've come to embrace is to live unapologetically and from there, every action that is made feels a lot lighter in comparison now that I'm not my own worst enemy

    http://Www.whimsicalzoo.blogspot.com

  13. 2nd March 2015 / 10:53 pm

    You seem such a level headed and positive person.

    I can only imagine how anxious you must have felt. Nowadays, it seems people are settling down, buying houses, and having kids from around 24, and it's terrifying when that sort of pressure if put on others around them, even if ages vary. I completely think you're right about colouring outside of the lines.

    We're all such different people, with different needs, likes, and opportunities, and there really isn't anything wrong with what anyone chooses.

    I hope all goes well with your move! That must be so exciting too. London is great. I'm glad you had a good birthday!

    xxx

  14. 2nd March 2015 / 11:34 pm

    It sounds like there are exciting things coming for you! Everything definitely will be okay! xo

  15. 2nd March 2015 / 11:53 pm

    Such a lovely post, and I totally agree with. Although I do need to stop comparing myself, and remember that those I'm envying may just want something of my life!

    Annabel ♥
    Mascara & Maltesers

  16. 3rd March 2015 / 6:45 am

    That's a great post! I am turning 30 in a couple of months and on the one hand I am dreading the day, but on the other hand, turning 30 doesn't really mean You are no longer You. There are still things to do, places to visit, people to meet… it all doesn't disappear only because we turn 30 🙂

  17. 3rd March 2015 / 7:06 am

    Yes, everything will be ok 🙂 and I'm only a year off 30 and I've ticked precisely zero of those boxes too – and I do actually want to start ticking them! It feels incredibly frustrating but if you worry about stuff like this all the time you're right that you'll only age faster!! Fingers crossed you get to move to London as you want 🙂 xx

  18. 3rd March 2015 / 8:26 am

    I am not turning 30 this year (27 instead) but I am having some of the same anxieties. It seems like every 6 months somebody is announcing a pregnancy or a wedding or buying a house and I don't have any of that planned for the next few years. I don't even know will I get a new contract in my job in a few months time so I am not sure how I will ever manage any of those things. I honestly and truly do not know what to do with my life and it is scary feeling like a failure. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that you have the right attitude and I wish you the best of luck with your move and everything else. Those feelings we described are hard to combat and I admire you. Don't forget to give us an update with how you are getting on.

    joyfullantidotes.wordpress.com

  19. 3rd March 2015 / 9:51 am

    As I get older (over 30 now!) I really want to live the life that I want, not what society or my family says! Time passes by so quickly and I want to make the most of my life before I really settle down with children. I know life can feel daunting sometimes but I feel like you have to take a leap of faith sometimes! That's so exciting you're moving to London Sarah, best of luck to you I know you will be amazing wherever you are 🙂

    Hanh x | hanhabelle

  20. 3rd March 2015 / 11:59 am

    Happy belated birthday! And good luck with the job hunt and London move, so exciting 😮 I totally get what you mean about feeling bad about not having achieved things you don't even want.

  21. 3rd March 2015 / 3:45 pm

    I hope you had a lovely birthday & although 30 seems scary it has been the best years of my life! I look a little older but I have to say I feel younger than ever.
    Wishing you lots of luck with your job hunt.
    http://www.letstalkbeauty.co.uk/

  22. 3rd March 2015 / 5:41 pm

    I know exactly how you feel chick, I just turned 30 and it's scary!! I made a 35 at 35 list to sour me into action, not getting any younger!
    Lauren
    livinginaboxx

  23. Anonymous
    4th March 2015 / 10:45 am

    I have to say how I can't believe you're 30! You look my age (25) so when I read how old you were I was gobsmacked.

    Happy belated birthday though. ^_^

    https://theremightbecoffee.wordpress.com/

  24. 4th March 2015 / 2:37 pm

    oh my goodness, Sarah – I did a little backtrack on myself in shock scrolling through my bloglovin feed and seeing this, you look fabulous for 30, I genuinely would have never guessed it! I'm starting to feel the same getting further into my 20's but as long as you're enjoying the journey I genuinely wouldn't worry yourself about how things 'should be' they should only be what you want them to be! wishing you a wonderful birthday 🙂

    Louise x

  25. 4th March 2015 / 9:28 pm

    First of all, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SARAH!
    I wish you nothing but the best for your life ^.^
    Your text truly speaks to me, I still have a few years before turning 30 but I am terrified by that thought alone already T_T It's as you said, too many things which I should have by now (according to society) and I am nowhere near that (nor do I want all of it yet) so it makes me feel miserable and scared… It's good to know that I am not alone with those thoughts though :3

  26. 4th March 2015 / 10:24 pm

    This resonates so much with me… where have the years gone!! I turn 30 next year, I have one box ticked… I got married last year and we're currently saving for a deposit for a house (but that could take years right?). The whole kids thing is what I think about the most. I always wanted them before I was thirty but that looks pretty unlikely… I'm constantly thinking 'arghhhhh the clocks ticking' . . . Good luck with your plans I look forward to hearing and seeing all about it on your lovely blog!
    x

  27. Anonymous
    5th March 2015 / 11:09 am

    Happy Birthday 🙂
    And yes I know what you are talking about! I am turning 30 this year (in november) and you I feel the pressure from everyone, my family and society on what I should be doing right now. My concern is more on the professional level, since I am considering starting over in a new field (going from finance then recruitment to webmarketing) which means becoming an intern again! At 30! Yayyy I am not buying a house anytime soon. But I don't care. i think we should what we feel is right for us instead of focusing on what people are expecting from us! Great post!
    Rhizlaine from Paris
    https://quintessenceparisienne.wordpress.com/

  28. 5th March 2015 / 7:01 pm

    Moving to London will be so scary but so exciting, I can't wait to see what you get up to 🙂

    Maria xxx

  29. 11th March 2015 / 12:05 pm

    I actually can't believe you're 30 years old I had to do a double take when I saw this post. I thought you were about 22! Happy birthday nonetheless I hope you had a lovely time!

    hellomissjordan.blogspot.co.uk xx

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